Farther Along

I absoloutely LOVE this time of year. The department stores and the mall are a couple of the joys I find in Christmas time. I love the hot apple cider and the smells coming from Starbucks. I love the little kids sitting in Santa's lap..they are always so cute. I have to admit that I love dressing Gavin in cute little Christmas outfits (even though I swore that I would never be one of "those" moms). My mom used to make me wear Christmas turtlenecks with candy canes and gingerbread men and I hated it! Oh well, I'm going to enjoy it while I can!
One thing that has really been on my mind lately is my uncle Steve. Steve was like an M&M. He had a tough shell but a soft and sweet inside. I have been missing him more than ever lately. I think it's true that you never know how much you cared for someone until they have left. Steve earned his angel wings 2 years ago this Christmas. It seems like it was so long ago, but in a way it seems like it was just yesterday. I went by the cemetery today just to visit with him for a while. He had some beautiful flowers. They were in shades of blue with a little dove in a nest. It reminded me of a Winter Wonderland. I have been wondering lately why God takes the ones we love from us. I wonder this because Steve was just 45 years young. He had so much to live for. Sometimes I would just like to know why he had to leave this world so suddenly without warning. I think that when we lose someone we love, we keep a piece of that person in our heart. I also think that that person takes a piece of us with them. Our family feels a little less whole without Steve. I think I've got a small spot missing inside of me. I wasn't that close to Steve the last year or so of his life, but I loved him more than he will ever know. I also think that this did happen for a reason. Our family has changed so much since Steve became an angel. There are things we don't say now, and some things that we do. There are awkward moments and painful times. Christmas is hard. The memory I will always think of at Christmas Eve is sitting at UAB Neuro ICU pleading with the Lord to help Steve and praying relentlessly for our family. There were times among the 23rd, 24th & 25th that I didn't think we were going to make it. Hearing the news right before Christmas dinner is something that replays over and over in my head from time to time. I don't understand why God took him from us on that day, but I know it's nto for me to understand. When I hear that hymn, "Farther Along" it reminds me that we don't understand why, but that we will one day. If there is one thing I have learned from losing him, it is that we truly do not know what the future holds or when the last time we see the ones we care about.

We miss you
1/11/61-12/25/06